His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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