we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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