btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
