And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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