we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
