how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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