The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just had sex bonerless
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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