Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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