she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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