I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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