I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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