I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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