Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
