some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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