i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize