I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
