As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
