Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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