It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
