then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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