I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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