So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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