i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
