i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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