I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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