She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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