I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
