every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
