Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize