Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
