Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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