Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
