I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
