i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
