and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Houston, we have a blender
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
