There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
