Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize