where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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