i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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