I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
