I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
