Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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