I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
