Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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