he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
