is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You took a bar mat shot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
