Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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