were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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