if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
