my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
