we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
