U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
