I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
