By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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