There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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