This dress was meant to end up on your floor
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
