Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
