Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
