Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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