fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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