you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
