How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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