I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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