I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
