i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
