i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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