I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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