a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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