if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
