The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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This is like the 10th TFLN I've read that is stolen straight from Tucker Max stories.
SHOULD HAVE been? Why wasn't it??
Licking banana-flavored assholes can certainly lead to shit in one's hair.
How about working in a nursing home?
The IT Crowd did something very similar to this text. Just sayin.
Having an ichy head while wiping.
There is a lot of math that can explain it. Unfortunately, i am bad at math so i can't help ya.