I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize