Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
