for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
