I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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