I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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