He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
