I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
