is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
