All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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