Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
